Some people can’t work with any background noise, but I find it relaxing. It helps me relax and stops my perfectionist side from taking over. As I sat down to write this edition of the newsletter the song ‘Monsters’ by Katie Sky came on. As I listened I realised how relevant the words are to the coaching work I do. In case you don’t know it the chorus goes like this:
I see your monsters
I see your pain
Tell me your problems
I'll chase them away
I'll be your lighthouse
I'll make it okay
When I see your monsters
I'll stand there so brave
And chase them all away
That’s a lot of how and why I started in coaching, even before I realised that I was coaching. I’m an ambivert highly sensitive person, that means I have an introverted side but can also enjoy social engagements to a higher degree than introverts. I’m not an extrovert, so I’m not the ‘life and soul of the party’ and social events don’t energise me as they do most extroverts, but I can actually enjoy myself for a while so long as it’s not too loud or crowded.
Being highly sensitive means different things to different people; I actually prefer the term ‘highly perceptive’ or ‘highly receptive’ to ‘highly sensitive’ because to me it’s as if I am more perceptive to and therefore have to process so much more ‘stuff’ than some people.
Some are sensitive to noises, crowds, lights, smells etc. I’m more sensitive to peoples moods and emotions. So I generally get the ‘feel’ of a person beneath their outer shell or facade. One important thing I’ve learnt about being highly perceptive (or sensitive) is that perception is only a small part of the picture, and interpretation is a whole different skill. A skill that I don’t have. A skill that no one I know has. There are people who can read and interpret micro expressions, but I wonder how accurate they are across, gender, culture etc. I might be able to perceive that something is going on for you, but I know how important it is to check in with you to find out what's really going on for you rather than project my feelings on to you. This trait helps me talk to my clients, pick up on cues that something is going for them and ask questions that get to the heart of the matter, rather than skirting around the edges.
So, how does this relate to the song ‘Monsters’ ? I realise that what I sometimes ‘see’ in other people is their monsters. When I coach, I not only see their monsters, I also see their pain as they tell me their problems. I guess you could also say I’m their light house showing them where the dangers are, and lightening their way so they can steer a safe path to their destination. I make it ok for them to sail the stormy seas of their life through unchartered waters, I see their monsters, and I stand there bravely with them at their side… But, here’s where the song doesn’t fit… because I don’t scare their monsters away. I stand there with them and call to their monsters, I invite their monsters to reveal themselves. Brave? A little perhaps, but mainly compassionate and understanding of the nature of monsters.
Our monsters are generally scary because they don’t want us to do something where we might get hurt, physically or emotionally. Our monsters are in fact our protectors, they remind us when something in the past didn’t go well and push us away from similar occurrences in the future, so that we can avoid experiencing the pain and discomfort of whatever happened in the past.
Our monsters mean well, but they sometimes get things out of perspective and forget that some of these things happened 10, 20 or 30+ years ago the we weren’t able to manage the situation. They get stuck in time, in events that we were put in years before when we weren’t ready; situations that aren’t relevant today.
I help my clients see their monsters
I help them understand them
I help them find new ways of moving forward with their monsters at their side.
No frightening away necessary.
If you need support soothing your monsters… reach out to me.
Comments